Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
