i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This is classic penis vs brain.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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