Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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