you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
