Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
