Jerry, you need to find god
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
