It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
this will be a night to untag.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
