Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
