Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
