I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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