the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
