Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
