What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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