We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize