I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
