the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
