Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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