She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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