Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
