i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
