Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
