No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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