Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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