I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
