every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He uses pillows to masturbate.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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