so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
