you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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