I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
