That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They have beer where we have blood.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
