we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
