I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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