I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
