you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
