so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He better not be in your backpack
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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