this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
