i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
