You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
