I think I am morally bankrupt
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
