My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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