my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
