apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
