You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
