he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
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That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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