im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You are the jesus of drinking
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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