i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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