Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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