Soap is not a condiment
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
