Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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