I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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