How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
