Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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