Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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