Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
