Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
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I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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