Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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