my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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