Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
