She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
