i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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