it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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