Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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