I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
