remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
well you can't waste a boner
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
