this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
