"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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