Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
false alarm. still invincible.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
