There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
