Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
