I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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