Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
