I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
