Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
