did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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