Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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