There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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