So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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