I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
