how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
